pieces of perfection

the other night i was laying in my bed, twirling a piece of string, and i realized that this string was perfect. not because it was blue, or had a certain length to it, but because it was the perfect little string.

and the more i think about it, the more it makes sense: perfection is not something without faults or flaws, but the realization of a state of being.

i have a crazy, mangled, chaotic family. three younger sister, an other brother, and parents who could just as easily kiss as kill each other. plus 3 cats and 2 dogs in a surprisingly spacey two-flat.

i have a bright yellow, 17″ dell computer. it’s so big that with the enormous battery pack i can’t fit it in a laptop sleeve. and it has a huge dent in the front side–oh, and i have an affinity for letting models play with it when i go on shoots with my friend, which often results in it being dropped.

i have one guy. one guy, who slips his arm around my waist and smells slightly of old spice (my father’s cologne). he holds my hand, reads my mind, and is the first in a short list of things that demand nothing from me. he’s just there and he wants me–and i want him.

i don’t know what to do with this string. i think it came from a sweater. maybe it’ll go on an adventure. maybe it’ll just, stop and stay a while.

and that’s perfect timing. i have a perfect family, a perfect computer, and a perfect boyfriend. all because i said so. right now i can’t even see into next week, let alone this next semester or the rest of my life–but i’m pretty sure it’ll be built of thousands of pieces of perfection that add up to something greater.

oh my.

-Katche.

I regret nothing/something positive

I am going to miss this snow application when it leaves. I think it ends January 4th, which is dually sad because it’s the day I leave Chicago and return to Chick University. I love school and I can’t wait to see my dorm friends but still, It means I have to let go of this guy, this new good wonderful guy that I can’t get out of my head. This guy I want for keeps.

So yeah, I’ll miss the snow, and the winter and probably the best Christmas break I’ve ever had. But I regret nothing.

Until I leave I suppose I should do something positive, like bake cookies with my sisters or start writing that resolution list for 2009 (ha!). Oh! Something positive in my life:

Every day I check out CNN.com and read through all the news, which JD says makes me paranoid but I just think it keeps me informed. Anyway, today one of the top headlines was of a teenager in Maryland. He is raising money to buy special stoves that keep women in Darfur safe. The women have to walk up to seven miles away from their refuge camps to collect firewood, which makes them suseptible to rape, torture, murder, and just plain old violence. These stoves burn up to 75% less wood!

I think I’ll begin collecting superheroes. #1. Spencer Brodsky, Maryland.

Got $30?
-Katche

I hate Rockband.

Merry Christmas Everyone!

So first, I am still singing Christmas Carols, haha, but today I get to be super obnoxious and loud because it’s CHRISTMAS!!

Though I cannot beat out this terrible terrible Rockband invention that my brother thought would be “fun” to give to my sisters. Dear God, I hate it so much. Please to smite? It’s so awful. First, the weird beats you have to hit are repetitive, annoying, and flatter no one. Second, there are three instruments (mic, drums, guitar) and I have FOUR siblings. Yeah, figure that one out.

I am so happy it’s Christmas–all I need now is snow. I hear it’s supposed to be abnormally warm. Damn global warming.

This time of year all I can think of are polar bears sipping Coke-a-cola from old school bottles and straws.

tomorrow I get to go out with JD, actually, he’s coming to my house to have dinner with my family, and I’ll let you know how that goes.

Until Later!
-Katche.

i can’t stop singing christmas carols

It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas…la, dee dah, dee dah….

i cannot stop singing Christmas carols.

i think it’s because i have gratuitous amounts of happiness. So much happy. 400 happy.

and it’s partly because my family finally got a Christmas tree, and it’s partly because i have amazing friends, and a part of it is due to the soft snow falling on the ground, and the other part is my perfect date with JD…

…the first noel, the angels did sing….

-Katche

Poem: Ode to friends at Christmas

I love you because you never tell me
that riding in an air balloon
is not a terrible idea,
even if it’s snowing and I may blow away
and never come home again.

When I whisper wishes under sheets,
where we giggle like we were young,
you stretch your ears to catch my words
before we drift off to sleep.

That when my pillow softens with the touch of a cool cheek
It is not of remorse or regret or due to a lack of feeling;
But because after another day spent with you
it just needs a rest.

I love you because when I am ridiculous
And arrogant and do not wish to call my mother
You make up wild tales of illness and confusion, answering the phone
speaking in tongues.
You buy me time to get it right,
as coins fall from my swollen pockets
until again I see that it is out of love
for me
that you are so contained.

And when we share the light that glints
from your spectacles,
an hour moves like seconds and
we are We,
mind readers with fists of joyous snow—
that we pass along like peppermint sticks to
complete strangers and that’s alright.

I love you because you skin your knees just as
I, skin
my elbows like
we are sharing a helmet for three bikes
and going, and going…

They say that winter kills our love, but I disagree
they say that studies show that us,
is not a unit; they cannot hold on to their pencils
to see our triumphs over
masses of land, over moats that trap our pasts
no, we hold hands.

I love you because you do not laugh,
when I have to leave. But you do not talk me into staying.
You pack a picnic basket full of thoughts and secrets
so I remember you on this long journey—
Yet how could I forget, you, ever?

You tip your hat and give a lingering hug,
and untie sandbags at my feet.
So when I fly I do so freely,
with snowflakes in my hair.

-Katche.

How to be Polite

So I realize, it’s the holidays. Time for forgiveness and goodwill towards men. Well, first off, easier said than done. Also, I’ve learned that it’s quite difficult to practice what you preach.

My friend likes this guy, well, love-likes actually. And I hate him, why? For the pure and simple reason that he has made her cry. It’s enough for me to break out the good ole Taylor Swift single and seriously consider investing in some batman-style fighting knuckles.

Anyway, last night, a group of us were at a party…which later drifted into a midnight run of Steak N Shake. This guy had already ditched my dear friend who was visibly upset–AGAIN–and then called like a little he-bitch telling her he’d meet her at Steak N Shake in say, 30 minutes.

Well an hour later and he shows up. He’s not as tall or as cute as I remembered and no one at our table made any effort to stand up. Not only that, but he shows up with two other cronies, guys with popped collars and fedora hats and gold chains. Like some sort of Suburban Mafia. (I mean, he chose to hang out with THOSE guys instead of this gorgeous model bombshell who has been in love with him for two years? REALLY?!)

Out of silent pleading from my friend I promised to behave, and spent most of the night with my hands clutched together under the table.

Not only did he talk incessantly about himself, and especially his shoes, but he also ignored us, and got dagger-stare throw-downs from me. Looking back now, I really wish I was better. I wish I was nice, and polite, and hospitable because being mean at someone super-mean, never makes you feel better. It just makes you feel like an ass. And boy, am I feeling THAT. But at the time, I was not thinking so clearly and it was only out of pure unadulterated love for my friend that kept me from shooting out his kneecaps.

Actually at one point, I was so upset I started shaking, and could not feel the circulation to my fingertips. I started tearing holes into my panty-hose…but JD was there, and he was sitting next to me, and he put his hand on top of mine, and undid my anger and just, grasped my fingers. We basically spent the rest of the night like that. And it was so much more pleasant than can be described here. And that’s what happens when you let your anger go. Things are infinitely better.

So what lessons have we learned?
1. It’s ok to be mad at the guy your friend loves because he hurt her.
2. You should always take the high road and be the bigger person. His behavior is no excuse for you to be a bitch.
3. If you are going to be angry, please sit next to someone wonderful who knows how to make you feel all girly and pretty and tingly inside.
4. Steak N Shake is not a good group date setting. The lighting is too harsh and they never mop the floor.

Hmm, well, I guess I’ll be ready for next time. I’ll keep you posted.
-Katche.

asofterworld.

sometimes i see my life in movies.

JD and the Epic Hug.

I guess I haven’t talked much about JD, and perhaps I should? I think so.

I met JD over Thanksgiving break, he is a friend of my dear sweet Amanda’s, and we became insta-friends. You know, the kind you put in a blender or microwave and three minutes later, TA-DA, dinner. Or a smoothie. Or a mess.

Well, we’re a smoothie of friendship. During break he had finals and I stayed up and kept him company. During my finals, he stayed up for me. Truth be known a crush has developed on JD.

Which is why tonight, when I got to go to his apartment and hang out, I was thrilled. Because aside from the crush, he has really become a good friend. We watched “The Dark Knight” and snuggled close, and held hands. He even took me all the way home, and for those of you NOT from Chicago, that’s three seperate trains. And four blocks to my house after. At 11 o’clock at night.

He asked me not to go back to school, and how jealous we are making everyone. He kept my hands warm with his, and let me rest my head on his shoulder. Which made me feel like, well, like such a girl. And it was such a beautiful feeling. Although a part of me thinks he was just using me for warmth–as a snow storm hit the city no less that 24 hours before and it was quite nippy outside. Hmm.

Later he met my MOTHER and my poor father who was already asleep on the couch. They invited him to Brunch on Sunday, which I am pretty sure was a device they came up with to torture me internally. And the evening ended with a lovely hug. Like, warm and tingly. I loved it. EPIC HUG.

I don’t know what to feel right now, except for that epic tingly hug. And I guess that’s all you need to know about JD for now. I’ll keep you posted.

-Katche.

Is Love Alive?

I found this Winter Song by Sarah Bareilles and Ingrid Michaelson. It broke my heart and stole my words.

Sweaterfest 2008

So, I’ve decided upon a holiday. Sweaterfest 2008, where you find the most hideous, outrageous and slightly GREAT holiday themed sweaters you can. Like this one:

You bring them to a big party where you pass them out as presents to your dearest friends. The best part is, you never have to tell the gift receiver that this is a holiday. Just play it cool, make them want to hurt your feelings AND request that they put it on. Immediately.

I think it’ll be a cherished family tradition by 2009. I know who gets my first sweater…

Happy Sweaterfest Everyone!